5 Reasons Why Guys Don't (But Should) Initiate with Other Guys
Today marks the one year anniversary of the birth of Legacy Leadership! If nothing else, our mission is to connect guys with Jesus and with each other. And we have discovered a lot.
In the past year, I have met with so many guys who have told me that they don't really have many or any other guys in their lives who they can talk with about the most important, deeply personal things in life - faith, struggles, fears, doubts, relationships, family, finances, addictions, loss, etc.
Why is that? Sure, most guys have some friends they can talk with about sports or politics or hobbies. But why aren't guys intentionally getting together more often - one on one or in small groups? Why don't the discussions happen - to talk about all that really important stuff - to encourage each other, pray for each other, and offer personal support and perspective?
The bottom line is, it's never going to happen unless someone initiates the conversation or initiates trying to get some people together for that purpose. But the problem is, most guys don't (but should) initiate with other guys. I'm sure when you read this, you will come up with many more, but through hundreds of discussions I have have identified FIVE common "reasons" why:
1a. Guys don't initiate because they're too busy - Between work, family, and other obligations, it is just really difficult to find the time to give someone a personal call or arrange getting a few people together to "talk". Sounds nice but it just never happens.
1b. Guys SHOULD initiate because they're too busy - Because they are so busy, they become isolated internally. No one really knows what's going on inside and they are left to deal with all these things alone. Worst of all, most of these guys who feel alone end up wandering away from their faith.
2a. Guys don't initiate because of selfish pride and/or shame. They don't want people to know about those hidden things that are going on inside or they feel that if they "reach out" to someone they will appear weak.
2b. Guys SHOULD initiate because it shows strength to be humble and admit to having flaws. Also, those hidden things that are often undermining our marriages, our health, or our faith will be dealt with most effectively within a circle of brothers who pray and walk together through the battles.
3a. Guys don't initiate because they don't want to be rejected. It seems to them like everyone else is doing just fine and they probably wouldn't want to get together anyway. They feel like they're the only one who is in this boat.
3b. Guys SHOULD initiate because most guys actually are in the same boat. If we understand that most people's phones are not ringing off the hook with someone wanting to be a real friend, that will give you the confidence to reach out.
4a. Guys don't initiate because no one ever initiates with them. They're tired of being the only one to ever start things. Have you ever felt like if YOU didn't initiate with someone that you'd never hear from them?
4b. Guys SHOULD initiate because it is the example set by Jesus. "We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19 "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus, who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness." Phil 2:5-7. He initiated with us when He became a human and died for us. So, as for me, I will initiate with others again and again even if I'm the only one who ever does it.
5a. Guys don't initiate because they don't know how. You don't know what you don't know. If you haven't seen it modeled then it is difficult to do it. Do I call them? What do I say? Should I organize a meeting with the idea of "going deeper"? Or just get together and see what happens? Will they think I'm being too "forward"? Too many questions & doubts leads to inaction.
5b. Guys SHOULD initiate because they can trust the Lord to open the right doors. My advice? Pray. Ask for "divine appointments" - engagements with others that were clearly orchestrated by the Lord. Do what Jesus did. He asked the Lord to show him who he was to walk closely with: "One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God. When morning came, he call his disciples to him." Luke 6:12-13
PRAYER: Thank you Lord that You designed us to be in community and to walk together as brothers and sisters, encouraging one another and loving each other no matter what. So help us, Lord to get past the obstacles that prevent us from initiating with each other and to step out in faith to see what You want to do in and through our lives. In the name of Jesus. Amen.
